Race Report: NYRR Team Championships (5 Miler)

I don’t know why, but every time there’s been a race in New York this summer, the weather has been spectacular. During the week, it rains, it floods, tornados appear, horrible heat arrives, etc., and then all of a sudden it clears up and turns dry and cool for each race, whether it’s a Saturday or Sunday. Really amazing.

And today was no different; after last night’s downpour, it turned dry and dropped into the upper 50s and lower 60s, under bright sunny skies. So it was only the New York City teams who competed in a 5-miler today, and your pal managed to be in this one, running it for the first time.

I knew I’d be in shark-infested waters; later I discovered that was an understatement. With an 8AM start time, the men (only, women had their own race at 9) lined up in Central Park for an unbelievably quick counter-clockwise loop. My FrontRunner team had their place staked out, and I let them stake all they wanted, I was just showing up for the ride after eating way too much granola and coffee for breakfast. I stood to the side so as to not call attention to my poor expected showing and inability to generate ‘points’ for the team. Yes, teams were competing for points that would determine the top, well… points accumulators. As I heard a lady say in a movie or TV show once (I’m not sure where), ‘fellas, why don’t you get a ruler out and settle this once and for all’.

So we took off, and of course, an idiot immediately begins to run over and knock me (and a few other guys) down to make up for his starting near the back of the crowd. I’m OK, but I yelled out ’Jeez’ to make the folks ahead aware of an an incoming jerk. Well, that was about it for the really bad experiences… though a fellow ‘teammate’ didn’t want to answer me as I egged him on once in the last mile, and he decided to let me pass him temporarily so he could sprint past me at the end. Hey junior, I don’t care if you want to sprint past me so you can feel better about yourself and move up in the team placement, just have the decency to at least acknowledge friendly encouragement.

As for me, I gave it what I could, running pretty fast, at least for me. I actually started to get that nauseous feeling you get when you’re pushing too hard, in the last mile and a half. I rarely get that, I’m a good pacer, but I was determined to not end up in the lowest 10% of finishers. Plus I didn’t once stop for water, figuring I’ve run over a half hour without getting water before, why not today…

So I finished the damn race, with no stops, feeling a little queasy, and getting increasingly tired because the crowd is REALLY fast and pissing me off, I’m ready to stop NOW. So I cross the finish line, look at my watch, and let out a fairly loud ‘Oh My God!’ as I realize I’ve run the fastest-timed 5 miles in my life, 32:04. It was loud enough that three infant runners stopped in their tracks to see what my problem was. No problem, it was only six seconds less than my 5-year-old PR, thank you.

So I check the statistics later, and they’re ridiculous. The top 15 ran sub-5-minute miles; all of them had, well, surnames from sub-Saharan Africa (including the winner, who ran it in a 4:45 m/m). The top 200 finishers ALL averaged less than a 5:50 minute mile, which already meant my placing would suck big time. I don’t know what you’re definition of fast is, but I think if you’re running under 6 minute miles in a race, you’re fast. So I’m so far back among the finishers, it’s pathetic. Ultimately, I came in 324th (my lowest placing so far this season) among 777 finishers. And 33rd in my age group, also a low point for the season. That’s compared to the 25th place in my age group in the NYC Half a couple of weeks ago, when there were nearly 10,000 runners!

But you know what? They can all bite me, because I ran the fastest five miles I’ve ever run.

And so end my races for the summer, and what a summer it was. Despite the usual crap pissing me off, I came through it OK by running seven races under seven min/miles, keeping my marathon training mileage intact (I just passed 1500 miles for the year on Tuesday), and actually having enough ‘fun’ (your definition may vary) to keep doing all this crap.

You can damn well bet on carrot cake for me tonight.