Thursday, January 31, 2008

Thinking Too Much, Probably

I’m not in the habit of explaining and endorsing somebody’s viewpoints, but I’ll throw this out there and see if it sticks. To be honest, I’m naturally cynical (surprise!) about people who act like they have all the answers, such as self-help writers and motivational speakers. Maybe that works for some of you, but I think anybody who asks me for, say, a donation or something like that is motivated by more than just making me ‘feel’ better. And isn’t taking charge of my life the first step in making me feel better? If so, for me taking charge means not listening to somebody’s tapes or reading somebody’s books on how I should approach life, because I already took charge of all that.

To begin with, I have a weakness for PBS documentaries and educational shows. Not the crowd-pleasers, necessarily, such as what you always see on Nature (‘Lions of the Serengeti at Dinnertime’ or at the other extreme ‘Science Isolates the Canine Gene That Makes Puppies So Damned Cute’), but the stuff you see in the middle of the night before all the pre-school alphabet-shoving programs begin. So lately I’ve been setting my DVR for the tried-and-true, such as The Western Tradition and now, the questionably-titled Philosophy, A Guide to Happiness, a series from a few years back. ‘Philosophy’ is based on a book by British writer Alain de Botton, 'The Consolations of Philosophy'. It’s a half hour series that only runs three total, and that half hour chunk is about all my brain can handle at one time. Anyway, Mr. de Botton identifies and explains particular viewpoints on emotions ranging from anger to happiness and much in-between, all in an easy-going, soothing British accent that makes everything seem painfully obvious (I’m not sure if it’s on most local PBS stations, but you can always check, like I said, it’s been on a while).

So for example, during one of his programs he examined Nietzsche’s philosophy that ‘only through pain, suffering, and hard work do you achieve happiness’. I completed a 10-mile tempo run on a goddamn treadmill this morning, does that count? By the way, that’s a picture of Friederich, a.k.a. Laughing Boy, above.

And there was one question from Schopenhauer: Why is everyone so angry about things they can’t control? What if we approached life more pessimistically, and by assuming that the worst would happen every day, wouldn’t we be better prepared to deal with life’s setbacks since there would be no nasty surprises?

Well, I can’t say that my outlook on optimism or pessimism has been changed by a TV show (or a book I haven’t read yet), but at the same time I’ll take what I can get from dead Western Philosophers. At least they’re not trying to sell me something. In the meantime, you might want to check out the show, or Alain de Botton’s website, or anything of his other written works, maybe they’re at the local library. Anything that gets the brain cells going in the direction of self-awareness may not be such a bad thing. In the meantime, I will someday soon approach a 20-mile training run armed with a Nietzschean outlook. At least that sounds better than being armed with nasty-tasting vanilla-‘flavored’ gu.

Check Out:

Alain de Botton; Video – Nietzsche on Hardship

’The Consolations of Philosophy’ at Amazon

Monday, January 28, 2008

Race Report: Manhattan Half Marathon

After all the fun I’ve been having in the pool and training for Boston, I almost forgot to get stressed out over the first NYC borough half marathon of the year. So yesterday was the Manhattan Half, two 6-mile loops of Central Park plus 1.1 in case you hadn’t had enough. I didn’t take any pictures because I forgot my camera and besides, pictures from races all start to look the same after a while anyway.

It was 31 degrees, cloudy, and crowded. Just under 5000 would finish, and that seemed about right considering the droves of pushy runners around. After finishing a moderately-difficult tempo run on Friday, and an overly-long (10 miles) easy run on Saturday, I went into the race too tired and I should’ve known better. But just having one sport to think about, or obsess about over the course of the day was a welcome change.

Funny thing was, and this used to never happen, I kept running into people I knew, before and after. I’d planned to meet up with running pal Susie before the race, and did, but it was just one acquaintance after another, on the course and past the finish line. Later on, a runner came up to me and said ‘Philly?’, and as it turned out it was someone I didn’t know who had seen me running in my old gym in Philadelphia three years ago, and had remembered me. Small running world.

Well, I could go on about the usual race stuff, people running too slowly who get right up front, nylon pants-wearers making that constant swish-swish noise, hearing ‘Born to be Wild’ blasted out of some runner’s headphones from ten feet away (I’m not trying to be funny, that actually happened)… but I won’t. But I will say the race was tiring, and I pushed myself to the 80-85% threshold, and that got real old on the rolling hills of CP. The last steep-and-unhappy hill was at mile 11, and I was cursing it even though I’ve run it a million times. And I had planned to race with running friend Tim, then I couldn’t get up to the marker where we were supposed to meet before the start, and I spent the whole race running just a little bit faster to find him up ahead. I never did, and later on we met up after the race and it was only then I discovered that he’d been stuck in a port-a-john line at the beginning, started late, and was running behind me the whole time. He still beat my finish/chip time, so I’m going to have to work in a little kick-ass rematch in the spring. He’s a roll-out-of-bed-and-run-a-PR kind of runner, and I just hate that, but then again, so am I sometimes, so I’ll shut the F up.

After finishing at an average pace I shouldn’t have done (7:04), I was definitely fatigued. And as it would turn out, soaking wet under the layers, and despite checking extra clothing and throwing it all on later I still managed to get the shivers and chills that left me more tired than before. I don’t live too far away from these races, but a 20-minute post-race walk in freezing temperatures when you’ve got wet layers on is both difficult and stupid, planning-wise. But I kept running into people, and yakking, and I’ll just have to save that crap for warmer races.

So I acquitted myself well in the race, though no PR, but that’s OK. There’s another half in The Bronx in two weeks, so we’ll see about that one. In the meantime, my swimming coach took pity on me this morning in my pre-dawn workout; my quads were feeling tired as I recreated the first ten minutes of the movie ‘Jaws’, and believe me, I wasn’t playing the shark.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Mad World

Not as in ‘angry’, but ‘mad’ as in batshit crazy.

I’m sure nobody out there needs too much convincing that we live on a planet that’s gone nuts over the wrong things, but honestly…

So this morning I hit the pool, and just as I’m sinking to the bottom I realize that I should have left a note at the front desk asking that if something happens to me, please speed dial Mary-Kate Olsen immediately. If you don’t get what I’m joking about, you haven’t been watching the news much this week. Or rather, the tabloid news that Americans crave by the truckload.

It’s very sad that Mr. Ledger died this week, but this city has just lost all it’s remaining marbles among the five boroughs. I didn’t know the actor, but I saw him with his wife in the village last summer, and he looked like an everyday guy just walking down the street, and in interviews he seemed vaguely embarrassed about being a celebrity. He was his own worst critic, something we can all understand, and if he could see it he’d probably be appalled over the media circus surrounding his death.

And now the cameras are everywhere, all night, in ghoulish delight over the latest tidbit of this week’s edition of ‘too-young-to-die’ theater.

This afternoon it occurred to me that Mr. Ledger had been spending the last couple of nights down the street; since the Frank E. Campbell Funeral Home is six blocks away from Cranky HQ, I decided I would head on down there to take some of my own pictures of celebrity media idiots taking their pictures of the arriving mourners for today's viewing. For those who don’t know, the Frank E. Campbell Funeral Home is where everybody who is anybody in New York City stops before making that final road trip through eternity. Sort of a ‘Last Chance Saloon’ or ‘Last Starbucks Before Boarding Your Flight’ where you get one last stop to check in before the final check… out. I’ve been inside the place for a friend’s mother’s viewing, and it’s small in a New York City overpriced 2-bedroom apartment way. Tiny elevator, too, manned by a kindly, very soft-spoken, understanding guy that’s totally out-of-place in THIS town, let me tell you.

So off I go, and see limos pull up, and nerdy paparazzo with cameras that cost more than any of us will make in a month, and there are dozens of folks out there just waiting for somebody, anybody wearing black to show up. I didn't spend much time at the death watch, but I did get to take pictures of the on-camera bimbos and himbos discussing the early demise of a young actor like it was on par with the Kennedy assassination.

So what’s my point… I just think we need to get a grip on what’s more important, and what passes for news. Sure, the presidential campaign feels like it’s been going on since A.D. 79, but at least that’s news. Stocks taking a dive is news, too. The death of an actor teaches us nothing other than tragedy can happen anytime, even though that's worth remembering. But not worth flogging over and over, every single damn day. Well, at least we’re not hearing about Britney for the moment.

Of course, I will get my wish for the media to move on as a certain football game becomes the next New York City obsession. I can see the headlines now, ‘Eli Manning in Paper Cut Shocker’. So anybody out there want a city? I got one here, and it’s batshit crazy.

iPod Friday 24: Feedback

Thanks to all of you who responded to all the teeth-gnashing and fist-shaking posts I’ve managed to throw out over the last week or so. The feedback is appreciated, I don’t say it often enough, so thank you. The tri-experts all know what I have to do, and know how to do it, and thanks go to them, especially. HOWEVER, Ms. Claire gonna get her ass kicked or hit up side the head with a big iron skillet into next Tuesday if she keeps THAT stuff up. I was going to get all up in a Tyler Perry/Martin Lawrence/Eddie Murphy career move on her and throw on a fat suit and play a large-and-in-charge, take-no-shit black woman stereotype and then get all clocky on her ass, ‘cause that’s what she’s asking for… but then I decided I’d be better off hitting the pool like she says. But Miss E. Girlfriend better watch out unless she want a throwdown! I see you in Boston, baby.

Love, Cranky.

Miss Jackson, If You’re Nasty - Feedback

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

What’s Goin’ On

I haven’t written much in the last week because as some pain-in-the-ass once said a million times, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Not that I’m hating on myself for not becoming triathlete of the year after three weeks of training, I just got tired of listening to myself mentally discuss my ability, or lack thereof. I don’t even like it whenever somebody uses ‘lack thereof’, so I’ll just stop that discussion there.

So far this year I’ve been to two tri seminars (‘Scheduling a Training Plan’, ‘Heart Rate/VO2 Zone Training’), read two triathlon books, joined a gym with a fairly unbelievable pool (pictured above), joined a tri ‘team (I have my usual reservations about that, more later), hired a swimming coach for private lessons, started those sessions, done several hour-long 20-mile bike sessions, done a couple of 2.5 hour long runs in advance of Boston in April, all the while keeping my running mileage at 40-50 miles a week. And sticking to my usual weight training schedule that has made me gain weight and increase the likelihood of sinking to the bottom of the pool. Overall, I’m averaging two hours of ‘exercise’ a day and I feel like I’m just scratching the surface.

The credit card bills have arrived, and the debt is already in the four figures, no problem, And I’ve barely started spending on all the bike-related stuff. Training better start coming together before spring, because I’m not going to want to be throwing money at the three-sport lifestyle for months if I don’t enjoy it on some level, be it through better health or through satisfying some personal masochistic tendencies. We’ll see.

So right now swimming is akin to a root canal, but then again that’s giving root canals a bad rap. But as the coach put it, don’t think about what you can’t do or negatively judge what you just did, just assess your abilities, make a small goal and work on it. I have major issues with breathing underwater, more about that later when I’m in the mood for self-psychoanalysis. For now I’ll just say that the collapsed lung I suffered (along with major surgery) a dozen years ago has made me just a little nervous about putting myself in situations where breathing is restricted. So for the time being I’m just trying to improve my pool experience comfort zone from ‘root canal’ to ‘teeth cleaning’. Insert happy face emoticon HERE, motherfuckers.

More later.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Last Thursday was my first swimming workout. The letters, as arranged above, accurately describe the sound of me exhaling underwater as I act like I have a cinder block tied around my neck.

I alluded to all this recently, so allow me to expand and discuss and talk about myself endlessly, which is what I always knew what blogging could be about, and now I get to achieve blog nirvana. If you’d like to skip the meandering prose and pathos and cloyingly self-deprecating humor, I’ll just get to the point, and that is, I SUCK AT SWIMMING. Otherwise, read on, oh intrepid readers and fellow punishment gluttons.

So my running club has a sister Tri organization composed of several reasonably well-grounded triathletes, and every couple of weeks they have a nice swim workout or bike ride that apparently engenders camaraderie devoid of the competitive BS I hate seeing whenever you get a bunch of hyper-athletic assholes together. So a handful of decent swimmers meet at a public pool on Roosevelt Island and do drills for an hour or so, and it’s only $5. So thanks to Tim, who is the same Tim who I ran with during his first triathlon last summer, and impetuously ran the 60K with me last November, I was encouraged to come on over for much-needed training. Too intimidated to jump into the pool facility I just signed up for, I decided fast friends would give me the icebreaker I needed to move forward.

I’ve run to Roosevelt Island before, but it’s a 5-6 mile distance, and I wasn’t in the mood to find construction stopping my run, so I took the tram to the island from mid-town. After all these years, I’d never been on the tram, it’s a cable car that crosses the east river, it’s the same one you see in the climax of the first Spiderman movie. It was already nighttime, and commuters were jamming the car. The scenery and skyline was just gorgeous, and I didn’t want to get off. Sometimes you really should listen to that inner voice.

So I get to the island and the facility, which is OK, one 25-meter pool with people looking like they know what the hell they’re doing out there. Soon Tim shows up, and then the rest of the nice-looking people who will later turn away when they catch sight of my swimming form. However, for now, the two coaches are very patient and want to see me head on down the lane so as to check out where I’m at. Well, as it turns out… have you ever seen a big, black dog dive into a lake to get a stick out? And seen them coming back slowly, stick in mouth, head out of the water? Well, that’s what I WISH I looked like. I was a sight to behold… flailing, head too far up out of the water, gasping for air, cramping almost immediately. Turn away! Turn away!

So Coach Claudia calls in Coach Les who gently asks me if I don’t mind doing a few drills and laps with a board under my arm, and I’m like, no, I don’t mind because I can’t breathe out there, and breathing is quite often important, and if it’s going to take the kiddie board, bring it on. So I try that, and look like Little Ricky getting his first swimming lesson. Things improve ever so slowly, but I am not happy. And I start to clockwatch, just like in 10th grade P.E. class. A half hour later Coach Claudia tells me that last lap was SO much better, and I’m ready to have her children, which would be quite a trick for both of us, I imagine.

By the end of the session, I’m happy to say nobody was pointing and laughing or anything like they would’ve in grade school, but all those bad ‘last-one-picked-for-the-team’ memories certainly returned. Plus both my calf muscles decided to turn to granite with charley-horse pain undoubtedly due to bad kicking form. And later that night I discovered a nice cut on the bottom of my right foot that made running the next day lots more interesting.

All I can say, or ‘assess’ as one of the tri coaches I know would put it, is that I did get better over the course of the hour. But what a demoralizing night. And I’m supposed to be able to do this for an hour or more in a triathlon?

I showered, dressed, packed and made my way to the subway stop with Tim. ‘Maybe next year an Ironman?’ he asks. WHAT? EXCUSE ME? Of course, I didn’t really say that out loud, but my face said it all. I immediately longed for the good old days of crisp, white cups filled with water on tilted card tables at mile markers, and I saw myself edging over, in slow-motion, to grab a cup, down it, and continue on to some wondrous finish line realization that I’d just PR’d. But I snapped back to reality, or at least my version of it. My calves were locked, so I shuffled onto the subway car and trudged home, head hanging low.

Now, now, I know, I know, shut up, cut the whining, get on out there again, and besides, you at least got a little better, all in just an hour. I know all this. So I made the decision to seek some swimming lessons beyond just showing up for a team workout and expecting instruction fueled by pity. And to get better so as to not scare the children in the pool. That’s right. DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN! Because, as the bumper sticker says, ‘Children are our greatest natural resource’. I remembered this the next day when I put on new bike shorts that felt like a loaded diaper.

Now that I mention it, is training for a triathlon like returning to your youth? Does the swim part correspond to being in the womb? Is your birth just the ‘T1’ transition? What does that make biking and running? Do you think I have too much time on my hands to come up with this shit?

OK, OK. I need to figure out what the hell I’m doing in a pool. And I will. If I don’t, it won’t be because I didn’t try. As one coach ominously said to me last week after I asked him about training for Boston and training for a half ironman at the same time, ‘you’re not a runner anymore… you’re a triathlete.’

Well, la-di-frickin’-da.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Dizz Knee Land

Posts will certainly be coming soon from Angry and RGL about their respective performances today in Orlando, but I am happy to report they’re both done with all THAT. It was 72 degrees and 96% humidity at 6AM, according to the NYT weather update… Hmm…

I was checking AR’s arrival at key points on-line this morning, and the results weren’t posted fast enough for my taste, but relief set in once the finish time arrived, hours after it had been achieved. AR's got a PR. Now he knows better than anybody else how it felt and how he feels now (he’ll probably have something to say about that), so I can’t put words into his mouth or thoughts in his head, but now he’s done it. A really long race, that is, and congratulations to him… he’s no longer a marathon virgin, ‘cause Brother Angry is all growed-up…

And Ms. RGL also finished up nicely, especially considering she ran the damn half marathon yesterday, too. Congratulations to her, I hope she got lots of pictures and had lots of fun along the way.

Whew! I wasn’t there, but I thought of you guys this morning while slogging through a particularly tiring long-ish run. I had to cut it short because I was failing to keep any energy level going, probably because just knowing that some folks had started running at 6 and were still going at 10 made me tired. Better you than me (this time), but then again, you got medals, and deserve them.


Friday, January 11, 2008

iPod Friday 23 – Black is the New Black

Why do people run in Central Park, or anywhere else for that matter, late at night? I realize not everyone has an easy work schedule, and getting a daily run in isn’t always convenient either, but is running at nine or ten o’clock that easy for so many runners?

The other night I was walking home and spotted more than a few runners coming from the direction of the park, and no, they weren’t coming from the gym, either. Plus, there were several guys wearing jogging outfits… that were entirely black. I know, ‘black is the new black’, but how dumb is that? New Yorkers know that taxi cab drivers don’t care whether they hit you or not, but don’t give them a good reason for doing it, f’Chrissakes.

Anyway. Late night running, I don’t get it. I know, not everybody is a ‘morning person’, but how anybody can finish a long day at work, deal with subway hell, eat dinner and then after all that hit pitch black darkness for a run is beyond me. Once or twice a year I’ll run late on a warm summer night in twilight, but it always leaves me wound up, making it hard to get to sleep. Whatever you’re used to, I guess. But people, don’t wear all black on a night run, that’s just idiotic. And dangerous.

And when misfortune befalls a runner, non-runners (i.e., everybody else) start that smug ‘see, it’s bad for you after all’ crap we’ve been hearing ever since Jim Fixx died. No, running is not bad for you, there are just idiots dressed in black running around in the dark in traffic. Running doesn’t kill, idiocy kills.

P.S. This one’s been on my iPod for a few months. A new Duran Duran tune where Simon doesn’t actually whine on the vocals. And of course, it’s got Timbaland all over it, which in this case is not such a bad thing.

Duran Duran – Nite Runner

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Random Thoughts. January 8th

Bike Shorts

I know I was warned, but come on…

Anyway, yesterday I was on the stationary bike for an hour, doing part one of a little brick workout. I get obsessed about a lot of things, but the transition from biking to running has got me hot and bothered this week, at least. That twilight zone feeling you get when you start to run after biking is too weird to describe, and I’m a glutton for weird.

But before all that, the seat of the bike had been chafing and hurting for far too long. Somehow over the last week I misplaced the only pair of padded bike shorts I own, and I was, well, padless. The old shorts were leftovers from a few years back when I took a spinning class that left me sore, painful, and whiny. But the shorts I bought then were kind of wimpy and low-tech, they had padding that apparently had been made from potholder material. So it was time to buy some real, grown-up, padded shorts to replace the (literally) sorry-ass ones I still can’t find. So off I went to the local bike shop.

And as most of you would expect, the damn things are expensive. I was shocked that the first pair I picked up had a $79 price tag. ‘Tell me something I don’t know’ you’re saying, but bike tyro here wasn’t ready for the price check on aisle four. Sheesh. I found a pair for $50, and felt happy to have at least found something of a deal. On the way to the checkout, I noticed the bike shoes. $200 ?!?!? And I thought running shoes were expensive… No wonder all the beginner triathlon guides tell you to borrow a bike for your first event, if you bought a new one and all the crap that goes with it you’d be in debtor’s prison before the race even started…

Well, at least now I have my padded shorts. When I put them on, I feel like I’m wearing a loaded diaper, but that’s better than bike seat pain.

Busted and Outed

Funny thing happened at the end of last week. I had finished one of my indoor workouts at my gym, and I was in the locker room getting ready to head out when Shaun, one of the owners of the place, stopped in to ask me a question.

Shaun: Richard, are you….. Cranky Runner?

Well, ‘yeah’ I replied, and I somehow I knew right away how he’d found out. I’ve had a link here to ‘Edge’ gym since day one, and the management had somehow been notified. Hmmm. Well, I’m glad I didn’t write angry tirades about the gym. In fact, I rather like my gym, or else I wouldn’t have put a link on the right side of this page, nor would I have renewed my membership. Anyway, I explained a little bit about the blog, and we both had a small laugh over it. And Shaun, or Dennis, if you’re reading, thanks, uh, for noticing… at least you get the ‘cranky’ seal of approval, and that’s hard to get.

Goofy Marathon Vibes

Some folks are running the Walt Disney World Marathon this Sunday morning. You sure know who you are. If you’re not going to be there, make a mental note to send moderately pleasant, happy, supportive-but-not-embarrasingly-sentimental thoughts their way Sunday morning. The race starts at 6AM, with the runners starting to arrive at Epcot at 4. That’s pretty damn early, but at least most folks will be done by lunch time, and there’s a lot to be said for getting the race done and out of the way by noon. According to the website, the finisher’s medal is TOP SECRET (their caps, not mine), I can just imagine. Then again, ‘imagining’ is part of the magic of Disney! I just hope an exhausted runner at the finish line crotch-kicks some annoyingly cheerful Disney character and it gets videotaped so we can watch the mayhem over and over on YouTube.

Anyway, between 6 and 10AM (and beyond), think about your comrade(s) and how they’re feeling and what they’re going through, and let them know they’ll be fine. And don’t even say ‘you’re almost there’ out loud, it’s always a complete lie. ‘Your Trainer Can Kick Your Ass’, or ‘Go Team: Angry!’ will suffice.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Races I’d Like to See: The Chris Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon!

(Ed. Note: While I’m figuring out what the hell I’m doing about marathon training and triathlon training at the same time, here, in the spirit of ‘The Race for The Cure’, is another fantasyland race I’d like to see happen someday… take it away, Chris.)

It’s The Chris Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon!



The Chris Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon!


So let me tell you something. I’m tired of seeing these crazy, broke-ass white boys running around the city every time I need to go somewhere. I even see some white women running with ‘em, but it’s mostly broke-ass white boys running up and down, up and down, like they on crack or something. And they tie up the streets, and nobody can get nowhere. So now I’m going to have my own fuckin’ race, tell you where to run, and now I know where to be on at least one day in New York. And that’s NOT IN THE CITY.

So now I’ll fix you, ‘cause it’s 26.2 miles of reality check the Chris Rock way! And ladies, you know you love it. You GOTS to have it. And just to get you crazy white boys in the mood, listen to THIS now.

Starting in Bed-Stuy, and ya gotta start in Bed-Stuy, ya gotta start in Bed-Stuy; and you run up and around the ‘hood and then get the hell outta there! ‘Cause those n-----s is CRAAAAA-ZY. HA!


Right at Tompkins Park, that’s where it’s… AT!

Then you run yo’ ass on across the Brooklyn Bridge, heading up to mid-town to Rockefeller Center, right where I got my break sucking up to Late-Night Whitie. Head north to the homies, turn around, get the hell outta there and head back to… you guessed it, Bed-Stuy, where it all began!

And no surprise, at mile 17 on 1st Avenue is some tired DNA paternity test for all you male elites and masters. Pass that, and you’ve won without even crossing the finish line! Butcha know ya gotta have that finish line. Ya gotta.


And ya know what’s in the Goodie Bag? I know what’s in the Goodie Bag. Ain’t SHIT in the Goodie Bag! But we got some other stuff, TOO:

DVD of the director’s cut of ‘I’m Gonna Get You Sucka’!
Disposable home pregnancy test!
Nasty-ass bottle of Billy Dee Malt Likkah!
Big Daddy Kane cassette single!
Coupon at all NYC locations of BBQ!


So come on out white boys and white girls who can kick their ass, and leave the rest of us the fuck alone for ONE DAY. Why? ‘Cause I’m tired of seeing yo’ ass runnin’ around the hood. ‘And because everybody loves Chris, damnit!

No, I’m scared of YOU!

(Cranky: Unfortunately, I missed Chris’ show at Madison Square Garden the other night. He puts on a fine show, by the way. Here’s Chris Rock’s Website.)

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Bigmouth Strikes Again

Me and my…

So I decided to do a triathlon, and it’s six months away. That gives me plenty of time to bitch and moan and discover new horrors that many folks out there already know. So bear with me as I discuss these and many more issues in the coming months.

Today I joined a local fitness center with a big-ass pool. I even joined their ‘triathlon team’, because I desperately need help so I don’t make a complete fool of myself in the aforementioned b.-a. pool. So I’ll get some form of coaching, sometime soon, before I sink rock-like in three feet of water.

Now I belong to two fitness facilities, which means I have two gym memberships at the same time, which is just insane, but that’s Manhattan for you. Workouts will mean lifting for 30-45 minutes in one gym (‘Edge’ Gym), running 5 miles or so (outside, or treadmill when there’s ice), and then some laps in the pool at the other gym (‘Asphalt Green’) a half block away OR 30 minutes on the stationary bike. Some days I’ll do some of that, some just a little of that. Whatever the day, I should be ready for a nap by lunchtime, which ain’t kosher.

The money I’ve spent is also kind of insane, so I’m not even thinking of looking at buying a new bike anytime in the next few days, Mastercard should put a lock on my card or something. I looked at bike gloves and swim goggles yesterday at NYC’s largest sports store, and that’s about all I can handle right now.

Oh yeah, did I mention I’ve got ANOTHER MARATHON IN APRIL, too? I HATE winter marathon training, but I’ll turn off the caps lock, you can all relax now. Sorry. But why can’t I just act my age? I should be sitting on the couch, eating tubs of Ben & Jerry’s, watching ‘The Biggest Loser’ and going to bed early. But no, I had to register for all this crap. And get ready for it, apparently.

I know, I know, I have no real regrets; but I sure have plenty of time to come up with a few.

As usual, thanks for listening.

P.S. I have another insane ‘goal’ for the year (believe me, it’s not an Ironman), but I’m not discussing it until I’m relatively sure I can ‘Git ‘Er Done’, to quote Larry the Cable Guy. Whoops, if I can quote him, I better get off that couch…

Link to Insanely Hyperactive Morrissey Mash-Up by DJ Payroll