(Ed. Note: While I’m figuring out what the hell I’m doing about marathon training and triathlon training at the same time, here, in the spirit of ‘The Race for The Cure’, is another fantasyland race I’d like to see happen someday… take it away, Chris.)
It’s The Chris Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon!
Everybody.
Loves.
The Chris Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon!
Shiiiiit!
So let me tell you something. I’m tired of seeing these crazy, broke-ass white boys running around the city every time I need to go somewhere. I even see some white women running with ‘em, but it’s mostly broke-ass white boys running up and down, up and down, like they on crack or something. And they tie up the streets, and nobody can get nowhere. So now I’m going to have my own fuckin’ race, tell you where to run, and now I know where to be on at least one day in New York. And that’s NOT IN THE CITY.
So now I’ll fix you, ‘cause it’s 26.2 miles of reality check the Chris Rock way! And ladies, you know you love it. You GOTS to have it. And just to get you crazy white boys in the mood, listen to THIS now.
Starting in Bed-Stuy, and ya gotta start in Bed-Stuy, ya gotta start in Bed-Stuy; and you run up and around the ‘hood and then get the hell outta there! ‘Cause those n-----s is CRAAAAA-ZY. HA!
WHY? Why?!? ‘CAUSE YA GOTTA START IN BED-STUY.
Right at Tompkins Park, that’s where it’s… AT!
Then you run yo’ ass on across the Brooklyn Bridge, heading up to mid-town to Rockefeller Center, right where I got my break sucking up to Late-Night Whitie. Head north to the homies, turn around, get the hell outta there and head back to… you guessed it, Bed-Stuy, where it all began!
And no surprise, at mile 17 on 1st Avenue is some tired DNA paternity test for all you male elites and masters. Pass that, and you’ve won without even crossing the finish line! Butcha know ya gotta have that finish line. Ya gotta.
HERE’S THE ROUTE, WHITIE!
And ya know what’s in the Goodie Bag? I know what’s in the Goodie Bag. Ain’t SHIT in the Goodie Bag! But we got some other stuff, TOO:
DVD of the director’s cut of ‘I’m Gonna Get You Sucka’!
Disposable home pregnancy test!
Nasty-ass bottle of Billy Dee Malt Likkah!
Big Daddy Kane cassette single!
Coupon at all NYC locations of BBQ!
Damn!
So come on out white boys and white girls who can kick their ass, and leave the rest of us the fuck alone for ONE DAY. Why? ‘Cause I’m tired of seeing yo’ ass runnin’ around the hood. ‘And because everybody loves Chris, damnit!
No, I’m scared of YOU!
(Cranky: Unfortunately, I missed Chris’ show at Madison Square Garden the other night. He puts on a fine show, by the way. Here’s Chris Rock’s Website.)
4 comments:
I hate Chris Rock, but that was hi-LAR-ious. I probably wouldn't sign up for the race, but I'd do all the smaller prep races put on by little, local track clubs ON the course anyway. Gotta keep the streets automobile-free every Sunday morning from now till November.
Ahhhh shiit. Hilarious man hilarious. It almost has me debating a post on the Fordahm road/ Bust a cap Bonx Half Marathon.
"DVD of the director’s cut of ‘I’m Gonna Get You Sucka’!"
HA! Somehow I managed to watch that movie twice in the 4th quarter and I'm not sure why.
it's always heartening when other folks find something you think is hilarious.... well, hilarious too. Thank you. I've listened to that Chris Rock clip dozens of times, and I laugh every time. I love that 'little ass bus'...
Taupo guy needs to put together that 'Bust a Cap Bronx Half', too. I'd hit it!
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