Dear God/Allah/Yahweh/Whatever They’re Calling You This Millennium,
Hey, thanks for the recreation of Noah’s deluge in Central Park this afternoon! It was swell. I’d just gone out to do a little training run, the skies were blue, more tourists had just arrived from eastern Europe, and it was hotter than a junebug on summer asphalt when the skies opened up and poured sheets of tri-state water on our aging Mizunos. Gee, it was fun.
We’re sure you were chuckling when the hapless tourists hiding under trees scattered after the thunderclaps started, and when the heavy rain created rushing torrents on the downhills. Just like being cast out of heaven again! Ah, the memories. Funny enough, the iPod was still ticking away as I found myself alone on the drive, picking up the pace, even though everything, and I mean everything, was soaked.
So I thought, ‘bring it on’, and you didn’t disappoint. After twenty minutes of unbelievable external hydration, you abruptly stopped the flood three minutes before the end of my run. Nice touch! You always had good timing, Ramses’ army found that out, didn’t they?
Well, I hope that the old shoes dry out before tomorrow, DST, and that you move onto other hi-larious pranks. If you’re just practicing biblical weather as a Revelations training workout, I don’t want to know.
Your pal,
Satan
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6 comments:
Oh man, I'd KILL for some rain here.
Seriously, who do you want dead?
Being about 50-70 miles northeast of you, I too can relate to the rain. To be quite honest, we could use a drought for the next month to kill off these giant mosquetos that have spawned from the ground...
Just be careful when inviting the wrath of the Almighty...Ya never know when He'll let loose a curveball and the next thing you know, there's a lightning bolt up your ass. Figuratively speaking, of course.
Keep it Real, Cranky.
Rusty, I'll send a list over later Sunday, there's about 250-300 runners that will finish before me in a 5-miler, and if you can 'take care' of them Sopranos-style, that would be just great. Since I'm now writing weird-ass letters to God, in public, and he 'owes me one', I'll make a rain request for your 'hood.
And AR, yes, the mosquitos are monster truck rally size here, too. You can't open a window without getting new tenants... funny you mentioned the lightning bolt, as they crashed around me I wondered if one was heading for me. If that happened, I thought about how would anyone know (for a while, at least), and how it would end up on the 11PM news (runner in park struck by...) reported with statistical probabilities and a particularly bad family photo. And then my last running blog entry would be 'how long should shoes last?', then nothing, and nobody would know that CR had been felled on the road by the almighty. All this, and many other things, go through the mind when the heavens are coming down. I'm rambling now, I must've caught insomnia from you. Well, get some sleep!
You're right, though, I'll try to keep it real, unlike my comment here...
I like the not-quite-last thoughts. And that it was about your blog. I won't tell your friends and family... :)
IMHO, something about the rain makes you go faster. It's like swimming, but sans pool/ocean. You sweat, but it just goes away. Or gets mixed in with all the other water running down your skin.
Or maybe it's just, as you said, the notion of taking on nature and trying to win. Good luck with that one on the whole, but in this instance you can add a notch to your victory stick.
If you have a victory stick. I just made that up.
Oh, God has it in for you, man. How do I know? Because during the last 10 minutes of my run He turned ON the rain. That's the love. I was feeling it.
I did get a little scared of the old washed away into the Harbor problem. And much like you my first thought was, oh, fuck, my last blog entry won't even be angry. Fuck me.
Stay dry but not through lightning strikes!
Update: my shoes FINALLY dried out. Thank you, Jesus.
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