Dear Daytrippers,
I want the city back. Not tomorrow, but now.
As I type this, we are being overrun by diplomats, people who think they’re diplomats, movie stars, people who think they’re movie stars, and even people who don’t know the difference between diplomats and movie stars, and there are plenty of those. OK, we’ve got President ‘W’ and his posse, the wacky President of Iran and his windbreaker wardrobe, even the new Président of France, looking for a halfway-decent croissant. Right now, helicopters are circling my neighborhood like flies as the Prime Minister of Lichtenstein stops here for a venti pumpkin frappacino.
Yesterday I tried to hit Christie’s in midtown, but no, the streets are blocked off. In fact, foreign officials aren’t buying anything, it’s… Carrie Bradshaw. So they’re filming ‘Sex and the City – The Movie’ and life goes on hold. It’s just New York, right? Hey, cute show and all, I’m not hating on a cable sitcom that put this city on a creaky pedestal, but can’t they go up to Toronto and film like everyone else? Don’t they have Manolo Blahniks up north?
And I just passed by the Waldorf Astoria, and it’s more like Fort Apache – the Bronx than an overpriced hotel. Outside were lots of men in black suits and sunglasses looking very serious, with that squiggly wire coming out of one ear, like they stuffed fusilli in there, or something. Jeez.
So I want normal, everyday tourists from Berlin and Biloxi back. I want to step out my door and get run over by a Guatamalan nanny on a cell phone pushing an adorable Damien in a baby stroller. I want to get back to being sideswiped by little men wearing baseball hats (backwards, of course) delivering cold food on 20th-century bicycles. I want some greying businessman, fresh from a Men’s Warehouse sale, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to take a call from his therapist. I want my city back, and back to normal. Is this too much to ask?
Love,
Cranky.
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4 comments:
Dear Cranky,
Please visit my place of education across from the Empire State Building. On the way you will see many average everyday tourists shopping at H&M, the Gap, and even City Sports, where they will drop $211 on a pair of sunglasses because the dollar is so damn weak. Then you will almost get hit by a yellow cab, and then almost decide to take a doubledecker bus tour because, well, why not.
You're far too far uptown.
xoxo,
Angry Feminist
Don't knock the windbreaker wardrobe, I wish I could lead a small, yet oil-empowered nation in "business casual with a jacket". I may start dressing like that to work...
AF,
I knew you'd weigh in on this one! You are right, I'm way too uptown; the area between Union Square and 59th St is a hotbed of aggravation. It's annoying everywhere else, too, but weekdays it seems particularly high there. I wish local meterologists had a daily aggravation index to report, like the pollen count and the UV index.
And speaking of tourists, come up to the park sometime so you can run and watch them fan out and take up the whole drive while you try to run or bike around. And for some reason, Europeans are fascinated by squirrels, I always see them trying to take photos of park animals, like they're on some safari in the new world. Makes for fascinating pictures, I'm sure. But I especially enjoy waiting and watching for euro-disappointment when they arrive at the Guggenheim and find that the scaffolding is ruining their next photo opportunity (insert evil laugh there). I could go on and on, so I'll save it for later.
AR,
Yeah, I guess it is refreshing Mr. A. doesn't want to wear a tie (too western civilization, and that's a bad thing). If he wants to get his tan windbreakers at Banana Republic, that's OK with me, as long as he can withstand the prices. I'm all for replacing the Syms set with another form of casual dress-up, whatever that is, so start dressing like that when you're ready. Dear God, just no flip-flops, please.
So I didn't find out about this global warming conference until it was already underway (I lived under a rock - or in Europe... OOH! A SQUIRREL!), so when I heard about the president of Columbia calling the Iranian president a petty dictator I thought people were talking about Columbia the country. I thought, 'Sheez, people in glass houses...' I didn't get it until I saw a news clip a day later. And you're right about the jump suit.
I remember when the democratic national convention was here 3 years ago, I don't envy you!
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