iPorn Friday 13

Guess I'll get a lot of hits with a title like that.

Well, it hasn’t been a particularly jolly week, the dog days are here, dramatic weather in the northeast, ‘urban volcanos’ and such. But listening to some old stuff (filed under ‘cool down’ music) makes it a little better, and some really old weird-themed stuff at that. For some reason (maybe Boogie Nights is playing on the Cineplex screen of my subconscious), I’ve been reminded of cheesy 70s porn flicks with wacka-wacka soundtracks, feathered hair, and lovably bad acting. Oh, and other stuff, too, but the silliness now seems to outweigh the soft- or hardcore aspect of hi-larious vehicles like Misty Beethoven.

So I happily bestow on you some tunes that conjure up that old, uh… theme.

Starting off is a tune that actually has nothing to do with blue movies, but somehow its disco lite vibe reminds me of the opening credits of some European porn import starring actors with names like Aqua Velva and Dick Hertz. Perhaps it’s the ‘la-la-la’s’, but whatever it is, you can just see the stock footage of Ibiza breezing by before the first cheap hotel room scene.
Silvetti – Summer Rain

This one was a fairly big disco hit in ’76, Andrea True was rumored, then confirmed as something of a softcore ‘actress’. But her breathy vocals over another lite disco production made for a nice summer radio hit. On the potentially cinematic side, it sounds like something you’d hear right after the pizza deliveryman showed up.
Andrea True Connection – More, More, More

And finally, this one is related only in that the artiste is/was a well-known star, an X-Woman, if you will. Traci Lords pouted her way to the top, among other places, and made a bigger name for herself when John Waters started casting her in his movies in the early ‘90s. I saw her at a movie premiere once, and she’s pretty short, but just as pouty in person, and really just like the girl next door, but with an edge. Right. But she made her own breathy stab at disco, and here’s one of the products, a kind-of-dated techno production from a while back.
Traci Lords – Control (House Mix)

Hmm. Don’t know what this all has to do with anything beyond a 5-mile warmup, but you can’t say you expected to read an 8th-grade post like this today.

Ha! He said ‘post’…


Oh, and here’s a fun YouTube clip from Misty Beethoven – First Class All The Way!